thehauntedfrequency

doggone

[In the time following his departure from Tabito and Manabu's company, the alias "Grey" has wound up sticking.

Not that everyone calls him that, he's used a few other aliases since then, but it's what he's wound up thinking of himself as. If Grey had taken the time to think about it a bit more he might have picked something with a little less connection to Rezo's name, but it's still leagues better than thinking of himself as "Rez- wait, no, just a copy." And maybe that's why he's felt significantly calmer since he left Sairaag.

By his own standards, Grey has been laudably well-behaved; sure, he's been mostly doing under-the-table psychic work, often on behalf of criminals, but! He's been trying to keep a low profile so it's usually things like clairvoyant spying rather than anything violent, and he's been making a point of not doing anything that directly impacts the galaxy railways.

It would be extremely awkward if Manabu Yuuki had to try and arrest him, after all.

He's found himself frequently thinking about Manabu, much to his annoyance. He has no serious expectations of ever seeing Manabu again, so it's simply a waste of mental bandwidth to find himself wondering what Manabu is doing right now or where he is, or to reminisince over their incredibly brief acquaintanceship. Grey can only suppose that because Manabu was the first reasonably normal person he got to know after leaving Sairaag that Manabu is going to stick out in his mind for a while.

And it's probably because of the real estate that Manabu is hogging in Grey's mind that he's been very aware of every mention of the SDF that crosses his path. He hasn't exactly been tracking the SDF's activities deliberately, but he does pay attention to the news and the SDF frequently winds up in there, even if Manabu's name in particular isn't normally dropped.

Until the day it does.

SDF Officer Taken Hostage By Pirates]

* * *

[It's taken several weeks of investigating, but Grey has been able to track down The Huntress's client, a Dr. Parish and associates. It must be a small galaxy, because Dr. Parish is someone Grey knows. Sort of.

Rather, Dr. Parish was a colleague of Rezo's who collaborated with the man on chimera research (and other unsavory things) in the past. Not only that, the man was an ardent admirer of Rezo's superior psychic prowess, and desperate to improve his own meager abilities.

He'd had quite a shock when Grey approached him in town, but after the initial surprise it had been sickeningly easy to convince Dr. Parish that he was the real Rezo. Grey can only surmise that the man wants to believe too badly to let himself be properly suspicious. It had only taken a day for Grey to be invited to tour Parish's laboratory.

The lab's located on the grounds of a former Marquess's estate, a ways out of town and secluded by trees, a high wall, and a long drive. Grey's done a little recon before, but actually being here is different, especially since he has to navigate by cane at the moment. Grey is doing his best to politely nod and smile as Parish guides him from room to room, explaining their work and occasionally handing him things to examine himself.

But evidently Parish realizes that "Rezo" isn't entirely interested, because he stops partway through an explanation of some stem cell experiments he and a few others have been working on to say "Of course, the really interesting specimens are kept in the basement floor."

Grey already knows this. He hopes his expression seems the right sort of eager.]

Interesting?

["Something along the lines of what we did in the past. Would you like to see them?"]

Nothing would please me more.

[Grey can practically hear Parish's delighted grin. To soothe the surge of irritation, Grey reminds himself that he's going to kill this man before the end of the day and allows Parish to guide him out into the hall and to the basement entrance at the back of the building.]

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[it's hard to see, but not impossible. one of Grey's eyes stands out more than the other, especially in the dark - it'd be scary if Manabu didn't know whose it was.

his knees draw up, freed from pants, and is still for a beat save for a shudder, something he holds his breath through before exhaling near as shakily.

mumbled:] Sorry about all this. [it's said while scooting over toward him.]

Don't apologize.

[Of course, he says this, but Grey can't entirely suppress the sharp intake of breath when he feels how damn cold Manabu's skin is. He's reminded of their escape from the lab- at least Manabu is more lucid this time.

Cold or not, Grey wraps his arms around Manabu with determination and scoots the two of them back until he can sort of... finagle the sleeping bag open with one foot and wriggle the two of them inside. It's awkward and definitely going to be a tight squeeze, but it should get Manabu much warmer by morning.]

[Manabu doesn't balk of his own volition, just out of chill, and lets him draw him into his arms, smushing up against him with a bit of fidgeting he's known for (sit still? even in duress? never).

there's still some tremors, but his body soaks up that warmth swiftly and greedily to quell them; Manabu clenches his jaw to avoid teeth chatter.

there's no relaxing like this, and not because of Grey smothering him. it's more...the whole everything. ambush and escape, all the information to deliver, delivering the information, Grey wanting to vanish, everything that could or couldn't come after... who is even built for that much? it's too much! especially alone.

and...he'd be alone in it, wouldn't he. if Grey decided to vanish off the radar. Manabu would have to attest to everything himself. would he do a good job? would it amount to anything?

how's everything supposed to move forward? it can't go back to normal, the way it was before. can it?

these are not thoughts Manabu likes having in general, let alone smashed up against another warm body; this is definitely not easy to handle. he gulps, ducking his head so when his forehead rests on Grey's clavicle he has a little pocket of space to breathe, trying to keep a lid on all of this.

what the hell am I supposed to do?!]

[Grey does his best to endure the various discomforts. The chill of Manabu's body, the fact that Manabu is pressed against his naked body (and fidgeting), the gloomy atmosphere of the building, and the lack of space. He can feel Manabu warming up in his arms, and that makes the discomforts much easier to bear.

But even as Manabu warms up, Grey realizes he isn't really relaxing either. There's a tightness in Manabu's limbs and back, and he can hear Manabu's breathing, just a pinch too fast.]

You're very tense.

[re: are you okay]

[he tenses a bit more! at being called out.

after a beat:] Sorry.

[though that might come off a bit unintelligible, what with it being mumbling against him.]

Nn-

[Yeah, Manabu's mouth is dangerously near Grey's chest, and he felt the apology more than he actually heard it. His hand twitches against Manabu's back.

Exasperated:]

I'm not sure, but I believe you just apologized to me again.

[not even a beat later, one of Manabu's ears twitches. he turns his head a little to be audible.]

Ye-yeah. Relaxing right now isn't...I mean... [setting aside that unconscious sense of not deserving to relax that's looming in the background:] C-can you blame me?

Well-

[Grey attempts to formulate some kind of response but then just. Squints out at their surroundings. Squints back down at Manabu. Thinks about the past 24 hours.]

...I suppose I can't, no.

Eheh... [something about that beat, the way Grey takes his word seriously, is endearing enough to breathe out a chuckle to.] Weirder than time travel, even.

[Well. That chuckle's a start.]

I suppose the time travel didn't involve having to sleep on the floor. [In a sleeping bag, alongside a naked man.] Or freezing flights across a slum.

No, it...it was a desert. Not, not a cold one anyway.

[the good humor fumbles because honestly? the time travel thing was a pretty rough point.

this is a rough point.

but both involved people Manabu was undeniably close to in some way, expected or otherwise.

he squeezes his eyes shut, swallowing again.]

Someone...had to bail me out of that one, too.

[There's a shift in Manabu's tone that leaves Grey mentally stumbling. Oh, this wasn't just a weird memory- it's a difficult one. And it involves someone important.

Grey hazards a guess.]

Your partner?

[The mysterious man who liked to rag on Manabu and who was killed in the line of duty.]

Mm-mn.

My brother.

[the owner of that bedroom Grey camped in for that week or so. the taller, fairer-haired boy in the photo. the predecessor to the uniform and all the legacy ideals that still weigh on Manabu's smaller shoulders.]

Found out...how he died. It was my fault.

[Oh.

Grey remembers a bit about Manabu's late brother. The weird glove he'd had in his room. The fact he'd run deliveries for Kana before Manabu did. The story about going joyriding on a dirt bike. The love that had been obvious when Manabu spoke of him.

Manabu had never outright said that he'd died, and of course he hadn't said how.]

What...?

[And he certainly hadn't said he thought it was his fault.]

[it's nice that it's dark. Manabu can't tell how gutted he looks, whether or not it's reflective of how it feels. and how it feels is...weird. he's so drained from everything, that feeling too much more seems impossible.

of course, picking at this wound won't reveal anything new about it, it just...reflects strangely on the situation he finds himself in. they couldn't be any more different, but one thing remains consistent:

people keep suffering for his sake.]

He...he was part of the ground forces trying to stop outlaws. He came to check the train I was on when it crashed.

[Grey bites his lip. Kind, comforting words aren't exactly his forte. Or at least they're not something he's comfortable with. But he can at least think of a logical objection.]

Well that was his duty, wasn't it? That doesn't make it your fault.

I, I know.

[but facts don't make it easier. doesn't make watching him drop, hole in his chest, into the sand to be left behind. what if Manabu hadn't been there? would it have been another stranded civilian? is that how time knots work?

or was it always Manabu?

he sniffs, then exhales carefully, still tensed up.]

I'm not...I don't blame myself. I'm just...what's left behind.

[and is he doing a good job with that? with what his dad and brother left behind? survey's still out.]

...I'm sorry.

[Grief is one of those things Grey doesn't have a good understanding of. He thinks, perhaps, that he can understand a little of what Manabu says when he describes himself as 'what's left behind.' Grey had had similar thoughts at various points thanks to Rezo- when Rezo had abandoned his lab, when he'd gotten himself killed, when Grey had found out that Rezo had killed himself- each time Rezo had left his copy behind, leaving Grey a loose end that wasn't considered worth tying up.

The similarities are thin, however. Manabu's brother had been a good man, and they'd loved each other. The holes in Grey's heart are from rejection, not the sincere grief that Manabu struggles with.

And it's thanks to Manabu that Grey's emotional wounds have managed to lessen just a bit.]

But I'm glad you're still here. And I'd wager that I'm far from the only one.

Are you? [he winces internally at how feeble the ask sounds aloud, prompting another gulp.] Even here?

Of course! [Ever the tactful sort, Grey half-scoffs the words. As if it's absurd that Manabu hasn't figured that much out already. Come on, does he think Grey would huddle naked with just anyone?] Manabu, all my best memories involve you. I- I didn't believe there were truly good, kind people in the world until I met you.

[Manabu stifles on an affected sound, ashamed. it's really pathetic to be worked up as it is, but the affirmation makes him want to cry - the assurance that he's been worth the insane amount of trouble and discomfort.

best memories? he can almost utter a laugh, but it risks breaking the fraying shreds of his composure.]

This part. Can't count. [he swallows.] Or that means...everything's been bad.

[Oh no. Is that a near-tears sound Grey's hearing? At least he's already hugging Manabu if he needs comforting. Still, it adds to the fluster that Grey's experiencing.] Oh, this situation isn't that bad. Although I did prefer sharing an actual bed. [And being in a building with central heating.

Anyway.

Grey absently strokes Manabu's back, trying to put his thoughts in some semblance of order.]

My life was bad. I was raised as a lab rat. So maybe my opinion doesn't count for much, to you. [Since Grey's going to have way lower standards than a normal person and all.] But I remember how people treated you when we were on Tabito. Your mother, Shutaro, the miners. Everyone liked you. They're glad you're here too.

[there's another choked-up sound at doesn't count much because that's not true!! he didn't mean that! raugh!!

he fidgets, snaking his arm between them so he can scrub at his face with the heel of his hand, tucking his chin to hide evidence of the leaking emotions. get it together, Yuuki! what's crying going to fix? own up to the good will and efforts shown you!

it's so hard.

he can't answer right away, so he doesn't try, just occasionally sniffling and gulping back emotion while his back tickles with the feeling of Grey's fingers.]

[Right. Despite poor Manabu's best efforts, the sniffles and gulps, the fidgeting, all make it pretty obvious that there's a dam on the verge of breaking here.

Grey tilts his head down and speaks as gently as he can manage.]

You can cry if you need to. You already allowed me to do so.

I don't--want t-- ['want' and 'need' are different things, and clearly signaling for different outputs in the moment: he doesn't want to let go, but he surely needs to. no matter how much progress he may have made away from the lab, the effects coupled with all the work to both move past it and drag it around with him for the sake of justice is exhausting.

so he chokes on the effort. like he chokes every time overwhelm gets at him in his waking moments (maybe it's also his fault for not having a nightmare the last time he slept to vent some of this off? much to consider). he bites off the last attempt at a syllable and hides his face against Grey, trembling out of grief instead of the cold, shame washing over him as tears eke out.]

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