doggone

[repeatedprayer]

[In the time following his departure from Tabito and Manabu's company, the alias "Grey" has wound up sticking.

Not that everyone calls him that, he's used a few other aliases since then, but it's what he's wound up thinking of himself as. If Grey had taken the time to think about it a bit more he might have picked something with a little less connection to Rezo's name, but it's still leagues better than thinking of himself as "Rez- wait, no, just a copy." And maybe that's why he's felt significantly calmer since he left Sairaag.

By his own standards, Grey has been laudably well-behaved; sure, he's been mostly doing under-the-table psychic work, often on behalf of criminals, but! He's been trying to keep a low profile so it's usually things like clairvoyant spying rather than anything violent, and he's been making a point of not doing anything that directly impacts the galaxy railways.

It would be extremely awkward if Manabu Yuuki had to try and arrest him, after all.

He's found himself frequently thinking about Manabu, much to his annoyance. He has no serious expectations of ever seeing Manabu again, so it's simply a waste of mental bandwidth to find himself wondering what Manabu is doing right now or where he is, or to reminisince over their incredibly brief acquaintanceship. Grey can only suppose that because Manabu was the first reasonably normal person he got to know after leaving Sairaag that Manabu is going to stick out in his mind for a while.

And it's probably because of the real estate that Manabu is hogging in Grey's mind that he's been very aware of every mention of the SDF that crosses his path. He hasn't exactly been tracking the SDF's activities deliberately, but he does pay attention to the news and the SDF frequently winds up in there, even if Manabu's name in particular isn't normally dropped.

Until the day it does.

SDF Officer Taken Hostage By Pirates]

* * *

[It's taken several weeks of investigating, but Grey has been able to track down The Huntress's client, a Dr. Parish and associates. It must be a small galaxy, because Dr. Parish is someone Grey knows. Sort of.

Rather, Dr. Parish was a colleague of Rezo's who collaborated with the man on chimera research (and other unsavory things) in the past. Not only that, the man was an ardent admirer of Rezo's superior psychic prowess, and desperate to improve his own meager abilities.

He'd had quite a shock when Grey approached him in town, but after the initial surprise it had been sickeningly easy to convince Dr. Parish that he was the real Rezo. Grey can only surmise that the man wants to believe too badly to let himself be properly suspicious. It had only taken a day for Grey to be invited to tour Parish's laboratory.

The lab's located on the grounds of a former Marquess's estate, a ways out of town and secluded by trees, a high wall, and a long drive. Grey's done a little recon before, but actually being here is different, especially since he has to navigate by cane at the moment. Grey is doing his best to politely nod and smile as Parish guides him from room to room, explaining their work and occasionally handing him things to examine himself.

But evidently Parish realizes that "Rezo" isn't entirely interested, because he stops partway through an explanation of some stem cell experiments he and a few others have been working on to say "Of course, the really interesting specimens are kept in the basement floor."

Grey already knows this. He hopes his expression seems the right sort of eager.]

Interesting?

["Something along the lines of what we did in the past. Would you like to see them?"]

Nothing would please me more.

[Grey can practically hear Parish's delighted grin. To soothe the surge of irritation, Grey reminds himself that he's going to kill this man before the end of the day and allows Parish to guide him out into the hall and to the basement entrance at the back of the building.]

Comments

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey shakes his head.]

I told you, I'm not the honorable sort. If I'd known that some other poor bastard was getting experimented on I would have just shrugged my shoulders and kept away. I never wanted to get involved in any more of... of Rezo's world. But because it was you...

[He lifts his hand and makes a weak attempt at a gesture before letting it drop back down.]

I only came this far for you.

[siriusly]

[Manabu's face reddens.]

Then...why would you ever think I would think less of you now? Grey, every--every big feeling I have for you...I wouldn't throw any of them away. No chance.

But knowing even that much...it explains a little... I'm relieved to know it. [that's the damn truth. there's just so many question marks with Grey, so little he has to work with to inform his own intuition! this helps.]

[repeatedprayer]

Nn...

[Grey squeezes his eyes shut and presses a knuckle to his mouth. Is it true? Could he really tell Manabu anything and everything, and still have Manabu by his side? Could Manabu forgive him for lying and hiding, for being just a mere copy?

He can't bring himself to risk it. But for the first time he can properly hold the idea of it in his mind.]

[siriusly]

[Grey's still struggling, that much is plain. Manabu's eyes wince. did he push too hard? or...almost too hard? too hard and he'd be getting slapped or punched, honestly.

after a hesitation, Manabu reaches over and puts his hand on Grey's wrist.]

It's a lot to lay out, huh... Sorry. I won't ask anymore right now. But--thank you. Really. If it's this tough, then it's really important I treat it properly. I'll try to do that.

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey makes a soft, startled sound when Manabu touches his wrist, and lowers his hand from his face. His head tilts, and he finally makes proper eye contact with Manabu.

Grey blinks furiously, willing Manabu not to notice how wet his eyes are. Or at least, not to say anything about it. It's hard for him to properly respond to Manabu's words right away, but he is listening, and trying his best to actually consider it.

But he's still relieved when Manabu says he won't ask any more questions, at least not right now.

His tongue peeks out, briefly moistening his lower lip.]

...Can I hold you?

[It's an immensely pathetic request, and probably seems like something of a swerve in the conversation, but- Grey really, really wants to, and he's trusting that Manabu won't respond badly.]

[siriusly]

A-- [Manabu's face reddens anew, his ears twitching in tandem with the way his eyes widen and then soften.]

...Mn. Yeah. Whatever you like. [he'd have been compliant even if grabbed without the ask...perhaps more's the surprise that he was asked at all.]

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey's tense for the beat or two that it takes Manabu to agree, but once he has Manabu's permission he doesn't think twice. He reaches out to wrap his arms around Manabu once more, and pulls Manabu into a careful, but firm embrace. Having Manabu there provokes a sense of sheer relief intense enough to make Grey shudder before his shoulders slump, and his head tilts into Manabu's shoulder.]

Thank you.

[siriusly]

[the weight of stress and solitude...he's never properly felt it fall upon his own shoulders before. he never got the chance for Bruce's sake, did he. that realization knots his throat and makes him feel a strange swirl of shame and uncertainty in his own ability, even as he straightens his posture to hold the both of them up.

he threads his arms around Grey's waist and squeezes in turn - as much to assure himself that he can carry this weight as anything - and tilts his head a little against Grey's.

treated like an object...just something to test remedies on. chimera experiments. they've got something in common in the worst way.

so that's why he had experience with nightmares, huh.]

[repeatedprayer]

[The squeeze is enough to push Grey over the emotional edge and despite his best efforts, tears start welling up and trailing down his cheeks. His saving grace is that, apart from the occasional sniffle, he's a fairly quiet crier.

(Manabu's hair is definitely getting wet from this, however.)

He feels as though there's something nasty gummed up inside him that got partly scraped out by talking about his past. It's left him feeling lighter but also scratched up and unsightly. Little flashes of memories from his time in the lab keep coming up, sharp tools and the heavy weight of anaesthesia, cold voices and cold hands, the growing realization of his own helplessness...

But they're just memories. Right now he's here, with Manabu. They're safe, and Manabu isn't going away. Not yet, anyway.

"Grey, every--every big feeling I have for you...I wouldn't throw any of them away. No chance."

Is it really okay for Grey to believe in that?

Needless to say, Grey's going to be holding onto Manabu for a while.]

[siriusly]

[Manabu feels his stomach drop the moment he realizes tears are being shed. it's always kind of wild to him when other men express that level of vulnerability around him...outside of a funeral, that is. hell, it messes him up when he breaks that wall of socialized stoicism he and other young men were raised with - like he's aiding in some kind of misdemeanor.

logically, he knows that's not the case, but that doesn't stop his heart from racing.]

Umh. Hey, let's... [he hesitates, not wanting to disrupt Grey if he needs the moment, but he's really uncomfortable sat like this!] Let me scoot back, come here. [so he can sit up against the headboard with Grey hanging on as he pleases, get his legs up off the edge of the mattress so he can keep them from falling asleep again.]

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey cringes when Manabu speaks up and his face- already kind of a red mess from the crying- heats up further. The follow up at least soothes his anxiety when he realizes Manabu's not trying to boot him, and Grey obediently shifts so that Manabu can make himself comfortable.

Well, presumably as comfortable as one can be with a tall guy leaning into you and crying quietly into your shoulder. Grey settles next to and partly on Manabu, still holding onto the poor man like he's a stuffed animal. Grey certainly feels about as pathetic as a small child at the moment.]

I'm sorry about this. Just... Give me a minute.

[Or several. Grey's voice is audibly choked up.]

[siriusly]

No, it! It's okay, really! Come here-- [Manabu hugs him to himself, drawing his knees up to be a bit more comfortable to be all up on and clinging to. he cradles Grey's head against his chest - more real estate to hide tears in.]

[repeatedprayer]

Ah-

[Well if Manabu says it's okay, who is Grey to defy him? Grey curls up into Manabu's embrace, burying himself in Manabu's warmth and scent.

He lets himself stay there for quite a while and, gradually, those tears subside and tension drains bit by bit away, to be replaced by simple exhaustion. His thoughts become muddled and cloudy, drifting from Rezo to Manabu to Eris to Grey himself, and how strange it is that he's somehow wound up here, in this man's arms.

It's not even an unfamiliar strangeness, really, the odd part is that it's just been reversed. He's already gotten pretty used to holding Manabu in the dead of night.

After a while, Grey speaks again.]

I suppose... You could say you're paying me back.

[His voice is still a little weak, but it's steadier at least.]

[siriusly]

Hmh-?

[Manabu blinks out of the daze he'd fallen into; his fingers had been methodically stroking at Grey's hair until he had focused too much on listening to Grey's breathing and occasional sniffs, alert for sounds until being alert itself was the trance.

he needs a second to re-process what had been mumbled.]

Paying...? What?

[repeatedprayer]

We've been in a similar position before, haven't we? Just in reverse.

[Grey lifts his head slightly- he's left an unfortunate damp spot on Manabu's shirt- and raises a hand to scrub wearily at his face. He must really look a mess now.]

...And you might not have cried quite so much.

[This is also mumbled, because it's rather mortifying to admit to- but quiet or not, it's also rather obvious that Grey was crying for the last little while.]

[siriusly]

A-ah... [Manabu blushes, mouth twitching.] Er, well! Well, I...I mean...it's not like...like I was asking for payback or anything! So don't...think of it like that...

[repeatedprayer]

Alight.

[Grey's lips twitch; he's pretty sure that Manabu's misapprehended what he meant but it's not as if he were saying anything important. With a little sigh he sits up, still keeping himself right next to Manabu but maybe not putting quite so much weight on him.

His head and eyes are hurting.]

...I don't think I like crying very much.

[0 stars, do not recommend etc.]

[siriusly]

It's because of keeping it in for a long time. [he looks over.] When it pushes out of you like that, it doesn't feel like you have any say anymore...and that's the worst part. Right?

[repeatedprayer]

Hn...

[Grey considers this. He'd lost control in a similar fashion when Manabu looked Rezo up, and thinking about it makes his chest still throb with shame. Control over himself and his fate has always been something he's strived for, so Manabu's depressingly accurate when he makes that observation. But...]

It's not just that. I feel exhausted even though I've just been lying here.

[siriusly]

Ehehe... [Manabu scratches at his own cheek with the hand not still resting on Grey's back.] I-it's okay. You can relax for a while if you want. Then, uh...then I can make something to eat, and that should be about it for the day, huh?

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey makes an indecisive, grumbly sort of sound. Hypocritically enough, he can't help but think about how unproductive that all sounds. As if they're just going to devote the day to Letting Grey Have Feelings.

But he's not exactly feeling gung-ho about running after mad scientists or sifting through old news articles. So.

Grey closes his eyes and briefly tilts his head against Manabu's.]

That sounds tolerable.

[siriusly]

[Manabu settles in for as long as Grey is willing to remain, though...though a lot of the fatigue of the walk was cancelled out by the panic of backstory revelations and carrying the emotional load that was laid upon his shoulders. he can't wholly relax, given the novelty of the moment and the certainty that he didn't do the best job because of that novelty.

but when Grey's finally ready to get up, Manabu urges him to go wash up while he makes something of what's left in the fridge and cupboards. they've got more to work with thanks to the list he thought up a couple days ago (and a goddamn sauce pan), so he whips up a humble broth and noodle dish with some chopped veggies and slices of seared pork. this'll be their iteration of kitchen-sink ramen, he figures.]

A--don't get up! I'm bringing it over. [Grey's just going to have to sit there and wait for Manabu to carefully walk over with the bowl, spoon already set inside.]

Okay, here. It's still hot, so be careful.

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey spends a while clinging to Manabu, still in a worn out daze but with a restlessness that keeps him from outright falling asleep. Eventually he needs to get some water and use the bathroom and, as Manabu suggests, wash up a little.

He also takes the opportunity to put the condoms and lube away in the bathroom before Manabu has to clear them off the counter.

He's still a little dazed once he's done and back to sitting on the bed, watching Manabu prepare food. But not so dazed that he doesn't notice how good it smells. When it's done he's immediately ready to get up and grab some, only for Manabu to chide him.]

You don't really need to...

[Grey blinks, more bewildered than offended. Being fussed over, however mildly, is something of a novel experience. Still, he accepts the offered bowl. Carefully, as directed- he can feel the heat of it through the bowl.]

Thank you.

[Grey picks up a spoon and blows on it, waiting a few moments before trying it.

It's really nice. It might not be fine dining, but the warmth of it is a comfort from the inside out... Even though the taste might not be the exact same, he's reminded suddenly of the first time he ate with Manabu and his mother. They'd had a similar dish back then, hadn't they? It had been his first time truly having a warm meal like this, and his first time in such a friendly environment.

Fuck, he hopes he doesn't start crying again.]

[siriusly]

[it was a sign, perhaps, that he was still too tired that he'd had to spend some of that time watching the food while half-propped up on a chair. his calves are burning from the walk, and with the adrenaline from earlier having run its course, Manabu feels like a weighted sack.

even so, once he's passed the dish on, he ambles toward the fridge, coming back with one of the cans of tea.

seeing Grey's eyes getting wet again, he startles a little.]

Uoh, is...is it no good?

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey in turn startles a little at the question, and shakes his head vehemently.]

It's delicious.

[Then Grey looks up and sees the can in Manabu's hand.

He makes a face.]

Oh. Never mind, I think I'm going to cry again.