doggone

[repeatedprayer]

[In the time following his departure from Tabito and Manabu's company, the alias "Grey" has wound up sticking.

Not that everyone calls him that, he's used a few other aliases since then, but it's what he's wound up thinking of himself as. If Grey had taken the time to think about it a bit more he might have picked something with a little less connection to Rezo's name, but it's still leagues better than thinking of himself as "Rez- wait, no, just a copy." And maybe that's why he's felt significantly calmer since he left Sairaag.

By his own standards, Grey has been laudably well-behaved; sure, he's been mostly doing under-the-table psychic work, often on behalf of criminals, but! He's been trying to keep a low profile so it's usually things like clairvoyant spying rather than anything violent, and he's been making a point of not doing anything that directly impacts the galaxy railways.

It would be extremely awkward if Manabu Yuuki had to try and arrest him, after all.

He's found himself frequently thinking about Manabu, much to his annoyance. He has no serious expectations of ever seeing Manabu again, so it's simply a waste of mental bandwidth to find himself wondering what Manabu is doing right now or where he is, or to reminisince over their incredibly brief acquaintanceship. Grey can only suppose that because Manabu was the first reasonably normal person he got to know after leaving Sairaag that Manabu is going to stick out in his mind for a while.

And it's probably because of the real estate that Manabu is hogging in Grey's mind that he's been very aware of every mention of the SDF that crosses his path. He hasn't exactly been tracking the SDF's activities deliberately, but he does pay attention to the news and the SDF frequently winds up in there, even if Manabu's name in particular isn't normally dropped.

Until the day it does.

SDF Officer Taken Hostage By Pirates]

* * *

[It's taken several weeks of investigating, but Grey has been able to track down The Huntress's client, a Dr. Parish and associates. It must be a small galaxy, because Dr. Parish is someone Grey knows. Sort of.

Rather, Dr. Parish was a colleague of Rezo's who collaborated with the man on chimera research (and other unsavory things) in the past. Not only that, the man was an ardent admirer of Rezo's superior psychic prowess, and desperate to improve his own meager abilities.

He'd had quite a shock when Grey approached him in town, but after the initial surprise it had been sickeningly easy to convince Dr. Parish that he was the real Rezo. Grey can only surmise that the man wants to believe too badly to let himself be properly suspicious. It had only taken a day for Grey to be invited to tour Parish's laboratory.

The lab's located on the grounds of a former Marquess's estate, a ways out of town and secluded by trees, a high wall, and a long drive. Grey's done a little recon before, but actually being here is different, especially since he has to navigate by cane at the moment. Grey is doing his best to politely nod and smile as Parish guides him from room to room, explaining their work and occasionally handing him things to examine himself.

But evidently Parish realizes that "Rezo" isn't entirely interested, because he stops partway through an explanation of some stem cell experiments he and a few others have been working on to say "Of course, the really interesting specimens are kept in the basement floor."

Grey already knows this. He hopes his expression seems the right sort of eager.]

Interesting?

["Something along the lines of what we did in the past. Would you like to see them?"]

Nothing would please me more.

[Grey can practically hear Parish's delighted grin. To soothe the surge of irritation, Grey reminds himself that he's going to kill this man before the end of the day and allows Parish to guide him out into the hall and to the basement entrance at the back of the building.]

Comments

[repeatedprayer]

What's wrong?

[Grey continues to frown down at Manabu, too busy wondering about Manabu's current state to be distracted by the proximity.

(Well. Mostly.)

Grey finally sets a careful hand under Manabu's chin and tilts his face up, looking for signs of... anything that might indicate what's wrong. If he's flushed or pale, if his eyes are glassy or unfocused, that sort of thing. Is Manabu just tired? Is he thinking about the lab again? Does he have a fever?

Or is this because Grey kissed him?

Damn it. Grey hastily withdraws his hand, but he otherwise can't move away.]

Tell me what you need.

[siriusly]

[the touch makes Manabu's skin tingle, eyes going big as his head is tilted up. uncertain, searching eyes try to sus out an answer that isn't there, and his brows knit, pained, at the ask.

how am i supposed to know?!

there's no proper poetry in him to be able to rely on and express his confusion and anguish (probably should've read some of those books Grey's so on about), so he can only struggle to fish out words of little or no value.]

I, I don't know, I-- [his face colors.] I'm really...confused. I don't feel right. [that's true, if vague.]

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey wants to hold Manabu, to stroke his head until those worried lines in his forehead fade away. But following those instincts too far is probably what got them into this tangle in the first place.

Grey wishes he could say that if he knew how much pain it would cause Manabu he never would have kissed him, but Grey knows himself too well. He's self-centered, with an impulsive streak, and in that moment he could have no more stopped himself from kissing Manabu than he could have stopped his own heart from beating.

All he can do now is make frantic efforts to make up for it. With a sigh, Grey takes a step back.]

I'll get the basin in case you need to be sick. You just lie down and try to rest.

[siriusly]

[Manabu starts, meaning to say...something. but he doesn't know what. he relents, scooting and laying down, that terrible feeling pressing in on him like a heavy sheet - an uncomfortable one to boot.

is him feeling bad cause to accept that kiss was a mistake? or is it because he doesn't want to be mistaken? and can he actually make a case one way or another when he feels like this? it's not even been a week since...

he brings a hand to his face, pressing the heel against an eye. he'd had consolation validated ('is this okay?' 'it is alright.'), then something extraordinary tied to feelings he'd had knotted in the back of his mind ignited and...just as quickly stamped down to embers. or some attempt to stamp them down.

if forgetting is the right move, which he can't feel is true, how would he even get around to starting that...?]

[repeatedprayer]

[The basin, now permanently stained from the dye earlier in the day, is duly brought out and laid on the floor next to the bed. Seeing Manabu's current state, Grey refrains from saying anything. He's probably fussed over the man enough.

Still, that leaves Grey with little to do. A sense of frustration roils under his skin, making it impossible for him to even consider turning in for the night. But that same sense means it's equally impossible for Grey to focus on anything more useful than pacing the tiny apartment.

Should he have insisted on taking Manabu off-planet right away, ignoring concerns about recovery time and justice against the perpetrators in favor of seeing Manabu safely returned to the people he belongs with? Probably, considering how miserable Grey's made both of them. Is it too late to change his mind? Maybe, although it probably would be possible to force Manabu to come with him considering how weak Manabu still is.

What am I supposed to do...?

As the night crawls on eventually Grey has to give in. He changes in the bathroom (getting distracted once more by his reflection), switches the light off, and cautiously settles on the bed next to Manabu. He half-expects Manabu to cringe away or ask him to leave, but he still has his self-assigned duty to protect Manabu driving him.]

[siriusly]

[is this okay?

yes, it's okay, Manabu.

Manabu's face starts to burn all over again when the mattress moves with Grey's weight. himself, he tries to stay as still and quiet as possible, despite feeling like a live wire just waiting for a chance to spark. his heart starts hammering all over again, chest tighter for it...

how's he supposed to forget...?

it's a while in the dark, in the quiet.

still laying facing the other way:] ...How'd you forget so fast?

[repeatedprayer]

[With how quiet and still Manabu is, and for how long, Grey genuinely thinks Manabu has fallen asleep. He's usually pretty fidgety, after all.

Grey frankly envies his state of unconsciousness. At least if Grey were able to sleep properly, he wouldn't keep mentally replaying the kiss, and being tormented by the awareness of Manabu's proximity. He keeps alternating between thoughts of Manabu leaning into his touch, returning kisses and wagging his tail for Grey, and then the opposite, of Manabu flinching and trying to shove Grey off, crying out words like "Don't touch me!"

The thoughts make him sick to his stomach. He really is revolting, isn't he? An overgrown puppet that's forgotten its place....

He isn't expecting Manabu to speak up, and the sound of the other man's voice jars him out of his miserable reverie.]

-What?

[Grey shifts, bracing an arm underneath him as he lifts his head. What is he saying, about forgetting...?]

[siriusly]

You told me to forget it. [the kiss.

he starts to shift, to lay on his back (it's a bit of a careful process, thanks to the stupid tail).]

You...can put it aside already?

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey's expression twists with pain as he realizes what Manabu means. Is Manabu bringing this up in order to torture him?]

I have to try, don't I? It isn't something I can just... [Do again. Whenever and wherever he wants. Not without hurting the both of them, anyway.

Even if they're already both hurting.]

[siriusly]

[Manabu turns his head to catch some of the contours of that expression in the dark, and his stomach knots.]

It...was that bad?

[repeatedprayer]

Bad?

[That question trips him up, throwing an element of incredulity into Grey's angst.]

Is that- Are you really concerned that you did a bad job at- [God this is awkward. And he feels like a stupid child for hesitating to say it.] -at kissing?

[siriusly]

Well! That! [not really! but now he can be!!!] I, I mean! [his hands gesture in the dark futilely.] I, I don't know much of anything about it, I, I only sort of remember when we were--y-you know... [he clears his throat; this is the most energized he's been since showertime.]

Y-you immediately said it was a mistake! So I must've missed something?

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey does not, in fact, know, so he just has a ??? moment and assumes Manabu only sort of remembers the kiss earlier. And feels an idiotic sting of offence at that because he has been tying himself in knots over it, even though he's also the one who said they should forget about it. That it was a mistake.]

Obviously! [Grey sits up, digging agitated fingers into the sheets with one hand and gesturing at himself with the other.] Manabu, think about it- surely you can name several reasons why someone like me shouldn't kiss you.

[Even apart from Grey being a copy...]

It was wrong of me. You're dealing with enough as it is. But I just- You were there and I wanted you, and I...

[Grey clamps his mouth shut, his face, his entire body, heating up with the confusing mixture of intense emotions.]

[siriusly]

[Manabu sits up as well, having to shift to his side to avoid sitting on his tail, gawking owlishly at Grey. several reasons? there must be, but Manabu can't even bring up exploded people with his mind to memory in the moment.]

I'm dealing with it with you! I-! [logic empty emotions only.] I want that! I want-- [wait huh. he...wanted him? who wants what now? what's want.]

I...I wanted that...too...

[repeatedprayer]

Oh...

[It's the sweetest shock he could possibly experience, for Manabu to say he wanted Grey to kiss him. A sharp pang stabs Grey's chest, and he clutches his shirt.]

Oh, Manabu... You shouldn't want someone like me, you can't...

[You can't possibly mean that. Who could? Who would want a facsimile of another person over a real one?]

[siriusly]

What do you mean? [he balks a little, as he always does when told he can’t do something.] So what! I still feel what I feel!

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey shakes his head, unable to explain it if Manabu doesn't already understand it, hasn't intuited yet that there's something deeply wrong with him.

So what!

...]

What you feel... Did you really want me to kiss you?

[siriusly]

W-well… [backing down a little out of self-consciousness:] I don’t actually know if I was…exactly thinking that, since I don’t really…er… [rebounding:] What I’m saying is I didn’t hate it!

[beat.

awkwardly:] That’s… That is… It’s…really hard to forget…something like that…

[repeatedprayer]

I... see.

[Grey sees nothing. Manabu didn't hate it? But didn't want it either?

The one thing he does understand and fully agree with is that it's really hard to forget about it. And he may as well admit as much, considering how much of himself he's already bared.]

I can't forget about it either.

[siriusly]

Aa-! Really?! [there’s a couple soft thumps of his tail at that - vindication! hope!]

So I’m not crazy! I knew it! [sure is relieved for a guy who “knew it”]

You’re too smart to just do something you don’t like without good reason, so—so there was a good reason! Er, well, if you liked it, maybe there wasn’t a good reason, but that still means you liked—- [here’s where steam should fizz out his ears.] Liked…to…

[repeatedprayer]

...Right. I'm almost surprised you didn't realize when I did. That.

[Grey's caught between laughter and abject embarrassment of his own. But despite the utter shamefulness of his own desire being revealed, he's relieved by Manabu's relief. At least Manabu isn't acutely miserable anymore.

Or disgusted, at least.]

I don't normally do this sort of thing.

[In case Manabu thinks Grey is some sort of libertine who just goes around kissing every hapless young man who crosses his path.]

[siriusly]

Me neither, obviously! [who has time for kissing when you have a job????

he sits upright, peering down over at him - what he can see, anyway.]

So—- So you’re not going to be miserable about doing that again, are you? Like it’s a mistake?

[repeatedprayer]

[Murmured:]

You're so honest.

[Wouldn't most people have too much pride to include the 'obviously' part...?

Grey doesn't have much room to dwell on Manabu's honesty and the adorableness thereof however, before the next thing that Manabu says causes him to short circuit.

...doing that again...]

Hah? Again?

[Grey's never really wondered what it would feel like to have his ears burst into flames, but right now he has a pretty good idea.]

I- Do you want that?

[siriusly]

Well, yeah! [gosh, why else would he ask! don’t make him write a dissertation on it, jerk!!!]

Otherwise, it’s all I’m gonna think about and not sleep!

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey's mouth twitches.]

Oh, I see. You need a goodnight kiss in order to sleep.

[And hell he knows this is still a bad idea- he's still a copy etc. -but damn if he can resist when Manabu's asking him so directly and amusingly.

Still, his motions are cautious when he reaches for Manabu, setting a hand against the side of Manabu's face and scooching closer. He can feel the warmth radiating from Manabu's body...

Grey leans forward and finally gives Manabu another kiss. Like the last one it's a little clumsy, he's not entirely sure how much pressure to give or what to do with his hands... But at least if Manabu's as inexperienced as he then Grey maybe will be forgiven for that.]