doggone

[repeatedprayer]

[In the time following his departure from Tabito and Manabu's company, the alias "Grey" has wound up sticking.

Not that everyone calls him that, he's used a few other aliases since then, but it's what he's wound up thinking of himself as. If Grey had taken the time to think about it a bit more he might have picked something with a little less connection to Rezo's name, but it's still leagues better than thinking of himself as "Rez- wait, no, just a copy." And maybe that's why he's felt significantly calmer since he left Sairaag.

By his own standards, Grey has been laudably well-behaved; sure, he's been mostly doing under-the-table psychic work, often on behalf of criminals, but! He's been trying to keep a low profile so it's usually things like clairvoyant spying rather than anything violent, and he's been making a point of not doing anything that directly impacts the galaxy railways.

It would be extremely awkward if Manabu Yuuki had to try and arrest him, after all.

He's found himself frequently thinking about Manabu, much to his annoyance. He has no serious expectations of ever seeing Manabu again, so it's simply a waste of mental bandwidth to find himself wondering what Manabu is doing right now or where he is, or to reminisince over their incredibly brief acquaintanceship. Grey can only suppose that because Manabu was the first reasonably normal person he got to know after leaving Sairaag that Manabu is going to stick out in his mind for a while.

And it's probably because of the real estate that Manabu is hogging in Grey's mind that he's been very aware of every mention of the SDF that crosses his path. He hasn't exactly been tracking the SDF's activities deliberately, but he does pay attention to the news and the SDF frequently winds up in there, even if Manabu's name in particular isn't normally dropped.

Until the day it does.

SDF Officer Taken Hostage By Pirates]

* * *

[It's taken several weeks of investigating, but Grey has been able to track down The Huntress's client, a Dr. Parish and associates. It must be a small galaxy, because Dr. Parish is someone Grey knows. Sort of.

Rather, Dr. Parish was a colleague of Rezo's who collaborated with the man on chimera research (and other unsavory things) in the past. Not only that, the man was an ardent admirer of Rezo's superior psychic prowess, and desperate to improve his own meager abilities.

He'd had quite a shock when Grey approached him in town, but after the initial surprise it had been sickeningly easy to convince Dr. Parish that he was the real Rezo. Grey can only surmise that the man wants to believe too badly to let himself be properly suspicious. It had only taken a day for Grey to be invited to tour Parish's laboratory.

The lab's located on the grounds of a former Marquess's estate, a ways out of town and secluded by trees, a high wall, and a long drive. Grey's done a little recon before, but actually being here is different, especially since he has to navigate by cane at the moment. Grey is doing his best to politely nod and smile as Parish guides him from room to room, explaining their work and occasionally handing him things to examine himself.

But evidently Parish realizes that "Rezo" isn't entirely interested, because he stops partway through an explanation of some stem cell experiments he and a few others have been working on to say "Of course, the really interesting specimens are kept in the basement floor."

Grey already knows this. He hopes his expression seems the right sort of eager.]

Interesting?

["Something along the lines of what we did in the past. Would you like to see them?"]

Nothing would please me more.

[Grey can practically hear Parish's delighted grin. To soothe the surge of irritation, Grey reminds himself that he's going to kill this man before the end of the day and allows Parish to guide him out into the hall and to the basement entrance at the back of the building.]

Comments

[siriusly]

[the move results in Manabu’s hands framing Grey’s face in a hover, some stray hairs lingering through his fingers.

Manabu looks rather far away, thoughtful and dreamy, blinking slowly before coming back to earth, so to speak.

his face warms.]

It…it looks good.

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey can't stop staring at Manabu, his gaze flicking across every nuance of Manabu's expression. It's an unusual look on Manabu's face, but not a bad one.

Grey's heart is pounding so hard he can barely hear what Manabu is actually saying. When comprehension filters in, Grey's almost too lost in Manabu to care- but not entirely, and a little glow of pleasure lights up inside him at the compliment. He murmurs:]

...Does it?

[Grey leans forward, and. Well.

Impulse, for the moment, wins out over prudence. Grey presses a clumsy kiss against Manabu's lips.]

[siriusly]

[Manabu Yuuki rarely thinks too hard on wanting to do things - he just does what he wants to do. but usually there's a basis for it to work from - the training, the plans and such...

so how would he think to do something like kiss someone if he's never had the basis for it before outside of a nebulous want?

that aside--]

-?!

[what--

what is--

Manabu goes still, his hands hovering in place, fingers just barely twitching as he's seized by the sudden sensation and all the information that barrages him in the instant. it's a temporary at-a-loss for a circumstance where Manabu has had only a smattering of reference to go on, and that reference was hazy and addled with embarrassment and alcohol.

but as always: thought is secondary to action. the hesitation that the bluescreen causes is a few seconds - maybe horrifyingly apparent and easy to misconstrue - but before there can be any proper recoil one way or the other, Manabu presses in to reinstate those feelings. this is what's causing them, right? and that feeling--

it feels right in a confusing kind of way.]

[repeatedprayer]

[While in theory Grey knows what kissing is like, in practice he has never tried it for himself and it probably shows. The press of his lips to Manabu's certainly lacks finesse, a graceless show of affection that borders on childish.

But the rush it gives him, that thrill of yearning and pleasure at being so close to Manabu, feeling Manabu's mouth under his, is entirely real and overwhelming.

Grey doesn't want to stop. Grey wants to keep going, to kiss Manabu further and deeper and do other things that, in his affection-addled state, he can't entirely put a name to. But he doesn't have enough experience to know how to prolong this sort of thing, and he has to stop eventually just to take a breath.]

Ah- Ah...

[With the breath of air comes clarity, the realization of what he's done. I kissed Manabu.

Grey sharply stands up and stumbles back, away from Manabu and the temptation to mindlessly continue.]

...Hell!

[Grey takes another step back, regret starting to filter in properly along with a myriad of thoughts about why that was a horrible mistake. He's an SDF officer. He's a normal person. He froze up when you kissed him (did he kiss you back afterwards?) You're supposed to be protecting him. All true enough, but not helpful now that it's too late to undo what's already been done.

Grey touches his fingertips to his lips and stares down at Manabu, wondering how the hell he's going to explain this.]

[siriusly]

[Manabu startles by how suddenly things shifted - the breaking of that lightning-strike moment to something jarringly cold and untethered. he blinks a few times, eyes big, face flush, his head still tilted down in the same position it had been when they'd...

kissed...

he puts a hand over his hammering heart.]

Whoa... [eloquent, as ever.] That... [was unique.]

[repeatedprayer]

[It's hard to get a good look at his expression from this angle, but Manabu looks... stunned? Well, of course. Grey had just kissed him out of nowhere. But Manabu had just been so close, and he'd been touching Grey so gently and looking at him like... Like...

Grey swallows and finishes Manabu's thought instead.]

That was a mistake. I know.

[Grey turns away, raking an agitated hand through his hair.]

Just forget about it.

[Let's not unpack why he did it and what it means for the two of them, nope!]

[siriusly]

Eh-?

[stomach dropping, his head lifts, big eyes fixing on...well, Grey's back.]

Mistake? Really? [that was a mistake? it was a mistake to feel that?]

[repeatedprayer]

[His shoulders hunch a little at the query. Alright, so maybe he'd wanted to kiss Manabu, but he'd still done it without thinking! It wasn't as if he'd been scheming something, or had bad intentions...]

Yes. You were just- too close. I wasn't thinking.

[siriusly]

...

[too close.

this feels weird.]

A...ah. I'm sorry. [mistake.] I keep...messing up, huh? [that feeling is a mistake? for Grey, at least. maybe not for him. but that's kind of messed up, isn't it?

why would something feel right for one person, but be wrong for another?]

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey feels a genuine pang of physical pain at the remorse in Manabu's words. Making it worse is that he is a little angry with Manabu over it, blaming him for being too close and moreover, too enticing.

As if Manabu would ever deliberately set out to entice Grey.

Grey sighs, still not able to turn around and meet Manabu's gaze.]

We've been very close these past few days, and things have been intense. But this will all come to an end sooner or later, so it's better we don't do anything we'd regret.

[siriusly]

[Manabu's head lowers, feeling nauseous in a way he's not used to. heartsick is reserved for grief and loss, not...whatever's going on here, and yet the feeling is similar.]

I should...regret that, then...huh? [how does he make himself do that? maybe if Grey was suffering; his own suffering is negligible by comparison.

he is suffering, right? he can't even look at him.

damn...

why...?]

[repeatedprayer]

[A mirthless little laugh escapes Grey.]

Yes, of course you should.

[Grey isn't someone Manabu should be kissing, or doing anything of the sort with- a criminal, a copy, the bastard progeny of a corrupt mad scientist so like the ones that tormented Manabu for months.

Under the circumstances, with Manabu made near-helpless while recovering from surgery, and enemies lurking everywhere else, maybe Manabu might get confused and think of Grey as- as something he's not.

But if the truth ever came to light then Manabu would be revolted with the liberties that Grey's already taken. And if Grey does anything more...]

Just pretend this never happened. Please.

[siriusly]

[why?

Manabu's fingers squeeze against his chest, curling into the shirt.

why does that hurt if it makes sense?]

If...if that's what you want. [even if it doesn't make sense.] Okay.

[this will go great with the guy who is chronically too honest for his own good.]

[repeatedprayer]

...Right. That's settled then.

[Grey should be more relieved at the agreement. If Manabu forgets it, then maybe they can go back to some sort of safe equilibrium and get out of this unscathed.

He's just a bit afraid that it's too late for that.]

We should get back to work.

[Or something. Something other than standing there in the silent wake of that gentle kiss, and the regret afterwards.]

[siriusly]

Work...work on what? [he should be more eager to lean into work, but he feels...gross. uncomfortable. stifled and at a loss. it's a lot all at once! which one is even the real, right feeling to have? why can't he just...turn it off?]

[repeatedprayer]

...

[Not more physio, that much is certain. It's going to take some time before Grey can be casual about doing that again.

And God is it going to be awkward when they turn in for the night. They'd just sorted out the issue with Grey's... nocturnal hormones and physical reaction thereof, and now it's as if they're back to square one.

He's such an idiot.]

I think... I'll do more scouting of the university campus. Clairvoyant scouting, and you can keep an ear out for anything I have to report while I'm out there. [Maybe he'll see more license plates, or whatever.

More importantly, it gives him a chance to get out of the atmosphere of the apartment without physically running away.]

[siriusly]

...Mn. Alright.

[it's not really Grey leaving, but it also is? it's weird. Manabu tries not to think about it as he feels around for where he left the tablet, still feeling atrocious; the tingling lingers, his face still warm, his heart still racing, his stomach a knot...]

If you can get...staff names. Some glimpse of a time table. That'll help.

[repeatedprayer]

I'll do my best.

[With an objective at hand other than convincing Manabu to forget about the kiss, Grey can finally bring himself to turn around and face Manabu. His shoulders are tense, his brow is furrowed- but he's actually able to look at poor Manabu. Mostly.]

Do you remember how this works? I can't see or hear you, so if something goes wrong...

[siriusly]

Shake you. [he nods, his eyes downcast, very much the dejected dog tapping onto the notepad application.] I remember.

[repeatedprayer]

Right.

[Grey tries to smile, despite Manabu's blatant dejection. At the very least, he knows he can trust Manabu to watch out for him.

That said, it's awkward enough still that Grey doesn't want to subject Manabu to hanging out with him on the bed. So instead of lying on the bed, Grey opts to sit on the floor next to the bed, leaning his back against the side of the mattress.]

I'll see you later.

[Grey closes his eyes, and a moment later he's gone.]

[siriusly]

Yeah...

[Manabu doesn't look, but he can tell by the slight droop of Grey's shoulder that he's gone. the pit in his own stomach is not.

pretend it never happened. back to work.

pretend that...feeling never happened. even though that feeling isn't leaving him. it's persistent, it's...growing.

his heart hurts. despite the hurt, he keeps vigil. maybe because of that vigil, the hurt festers: he can't go clear his head with a walk, can't change scenery...he has to protect Grey.

he wants to kiss him again.

dammit...

Manabu is loyal to a fault - to his own faults. it's why he stays there, despite his roiling feelings, listening for clues, watching Grey's profile, thinking about that touch...

dammit-! this can't be the way this works. yet what does he know? this is new to him.

he can recognize the jolt of Grey's awareness coming back this time, causing him to bristle a little.]

...Welcome back.

[repeatedprayer]

[It's hard for Grey to focus on what he's supposed to be doing when he's still nursing his own troubled feelings. Not being able to see or hear Manabu makes things easier, but he's still aware that Manabu is physically nearby his actual body. And while he's perfectly aware that Manabu won't do anything, that doesn't stop Grey from kind of. Wanting him to?

He really is such a fool.

But despite his own idiocy, Grey is able to get some work done without falling back into his own body out of sheer distraction. He tries to speak as he travels through the campus, noting the locations of security cameras and guards, the facilities and which ones are being used right now and which ones are being left empty, the offices and classrooms, and any names he's able to find. He hopes Manabu is hearing everything, and able to get it down.

It's a few hours before Grey feels he's done enough to call it a day. The kiss incident still feels a little raw, but it's at least been covered by other thoughts. When he jolts back into his body, it's not too hard to look over at Manabu after stretching the cricks out of his neck and limbs.]

Mm. Were you able to write anything down?

[siriusly]

[Manabu hands him the tablet and the notes he took, scooting to the edge of the bed to slowly rise to his feet.]

Make sure I didn’t make any mistakes…I need to wash up… [and be emo by himself; turns out it’s hard to be heartsick and on the job.]

[repeatedprayer]

[Grey very nearly winces. He hates it when Manabu gets subdued like this, but it's worse when he has the stomach-clenching knowledge that this time, it's probably Grey's fault.]

I'll take a look. Let me know if you need any... [Assistance is what Grey intends to say, because he's gotten used to helping Manabu get to and from, but in the situation they're in it seems a bad idea to offer to help Manabu wash up. He finishes up instead with a lame:]

...Anything.

[siriusly]

[for both their sakes, Manabu says nothing, just making his careful way across the short-yet-long distance to the washroom. if he's careful, if he doesn't let his vision jump around, he doesn't get dizzy; he's already nauseous, so that part isn't something he has to dread hitting him along the way.

how...do i handle something like this?

after closing the door, after getting his clothes off, just looking up and seeing his pathetic face with those drooped ears...

hey... what would the right thing to do be? why don't i feel right?

who can he even ask? his father? his platoon? none of them...have dealt with something like this before, right?


he stays too long in there, even after he's gotten the water off. it was too warm - he was already too warm. at least he was in the right place to let up anything that wanted out, but even that didn't make him feel better. it's hard to want to even get up off the floor, but some voice in his head assures him he'll feel better with clean clothes on.

...are these...clothes even clean?]

H-hey... [he gets the door open, knocking his knuckles against the frame from where he's slouched against it, on his feet, but an errant breath could knock him over from the look of it.]