thehauntedfrequency

doggone

[In the time following his departure from Tabito and Manabu's company, the alias "Grey" has wound up sticking.

Not that everyone calls him that, he's used a few other aliases since then, but it's what he's wound up thinking of himself as. If Grey had taken the time to think about it a bit more he might have picked something with a little less connection to Rezo's name, but it's still leagues better than thinking of himself as "Rez- wait, no, just a copy." And maybe that's why he's felt significantly calmer since he left Sairaag.

By his own standards, Grey has been laudably well-behaved; sure, he's been mostly doing under-the-table psychic work, often on behalf of criminals, but! He's been trying to keep a low profile so it's usually things like clairvoyant spying rather than anything violent, and he's been making a point of not doing anything that directly impacts the galaxy railways.

It would be extremely awkward if Manabu Yuuki had to try and arrest him, after all.

He's found himself frequently thinking about Manabu, much to his annoyance. He has no serious expectations of ever seeing Manabu again, so it's simply a waste of mental bandwidth to find himself wondering what Manabu is doing right now or where he is, or to reminisince over their incredibly brief acquaintanceship. Grey can only suppose that because Manabu was the first reasonably normal person he got to know after leaving Sairaag that Manabu is going to stick out in his mind for a while.

And it's probably because of the real estate that Manabu is hogging in Grey's mind that he's been very aware of every mention of the SDF that crosses his path. He hasn't exactly been tracking the SDF's activities deliberately, but he does pay attention to the news and the SDF frequently winds up in there, even if Manabu's name in particular isn't normally dropped.

Until the day it does.

SDF Officer Taken Hostage By Pirates]

* * *

[It's taken several weeks of investigating, but Grey has been able to track down The Huntress's client, a Dr. Parish and associates. It must be a small galaxy, because Dr. Parish is someone Grey knows. Sort of.

Rather, Dr. Parish was a colleague of Rezo's who collaborated with the man on chimera research (and other unsavory things) in the past. Not only that, the man was an ardent admirer of Rezo's superior psychic prowess, and desperate to improve his own meager abilities.

He'd had quite a shock when Grey approached him in town, but after the initial surprise it had been sickeningly easy to convince Dr. Parish that he was the real Rezo. Grey can only surmise that the man wants to believe too badly to let himself be properly suspicious. It had only taken a day for Grey to be invited to tour Parish's laboratory.

The lab's located on the grounds of a former Marquess's estate, a ways out of town and secluded by trees, a high wall, and a long drive. Grey's done a little recon before, but actually being here is different, especially since he has to navigate by cane at the moment. Grey is doing his best to politely nod and smile as Parish guides him from room to room, explaining their work and occasionally handing him things to examine himself.

But evidently Parish realizes that "Rezo" isn't entirely interested, because he stops partway through an explanation of some stem cell experiments he and a few others have been working on to say "Of course, the really interesting specimens are kept in the basement floor."

Grey already knows this. He hopes his expression seems the right sort of eager.]

Interesting?

["Something along the lines of what we did in the past. Would you like to see them?"]

Nothing would please me more.

[Grey can practically hear Parish's delighted grin. To soothe the surge of irritation, Grey reminds himself that he's going to kill this man before the end of the day and allows Parish to guide him out into the hall and to the basement entrance at the back of the building.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[if Manabu's not going to fully come to terms with four months of horror and what it means to try and move forward, then his body's just going to have to compensate in these ways.

when he gets too uncomfortable to be properly asleep, Manabu jolts awake, immediately unnerved by the buzz of anxiety and cold sweat.

...again?! why--]

Why-- [he can barely utter it before his teeth chatter, forcing him to clench his jaw. he starts to curl in on himself, knees poking off the edge of the bed as he starts to shake and breathe unsteadily.]

[Grey braces himself on one arm until he's sitting partly upright.]

...Manabu...?

[He's not sure yet if he's dreaming, but things are starting to feel a little more solid. This isn't as violent an awakening as Manabu's had before, is it? Grey's not even sure if Manabu's awake at all, but he can hear and feel Manabu's distress.

Grey scoots over until he's next to Manabu and can throw an arm over Manabu's waist.]

's alright.

[Manabu's skin feels cold, and Grey frowns.]

Come here.

[there's a little, choking sound that comes from being acknowledged - a beat of humiliation bubbling up through the mounting dread and alarm. helping others in distress is his job, but having it the other way around feels rotten and wrong. this isn't the kind of man he's supposed to be!

obviously not: look at what's happened. and he can't undo it.

Manabu ducks his head, grasping and pulling at his ears. it's painful, makes him wince, but he does it anyway on the mad off-chance they'd just go away if he tried. but that's stupid and he knows it, so more's the dismay that comes out of his throat when he does anyway.]

Manabu...

[It's vexing, but unsurprising that Manabu barely seems to acknowledge Grey's presence. Grey does his best to hold Manabu back from the literal edge, but the metaphorical one is trickier.

When Manabu starts tugging at his head, it takes Grey a moment to work out what he's doing. For a second, he thinks Manabu's pulling his own hair- and then the realization hits.]

Don't do that.

[Grey shifts his arm and snatches at Manabu's hand, trying to capture it within his own. It might not be sensible to grapple with a man having a panic attack, but Grey refuses to let Manabu hurt himself.]

I can't-- [he flinches, his body reflexively resisting while his breath gets faster.] Grey, I can't- I'm-- [his voice cracks, tears welling up and spilling over.] A...Aa...I can't...keep being like this-!

[his fingernails dig into Grey's hand for a few twitches before they slack.]

I'm sorry. I can't. Stop. I'm sorry--

[Grey ignores the bite of Manabu's fingernails, holding his own hand as still as he can until Manabu's hand relaxes. Or at least, goes limp.]

There now. I won't allow you to hurt yourself.

[Grey moves to partly sit up, so that he's balancing his weight mostly on his hip with his legs sprawled out along the mattress. With his spare hand no longer pinned beneath him he sets it on Manabu's back, flattening it against the sweat-soaked fabric.]

Can you exhale for me? Breathe out, as slowly as you can.

I can't-- [bullshit, yes you can. don't be so pathetic. Bruce wouldn't stand for this.

right. the tube isn't going anywhere, so you may as well just breathe--

Manabu cringes against the intrusive memory of choking, squeezing his eyes shut.]

Guh-- [i'm not there!

it's hard to come down with the thought of being intubated back in his head, and it makes his grip on Grey tighten again amidst a tremor. what good would acknowledging how badly they messed him up would be, if he's already in an embarrassing state now?]

I'm. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. [he gulps, holding his breath for as long as he can before having to let it out again.] Grey--

[It seems it's too soon for anything like that to work, and Grey inwardly curses himself for miscalculating. Outwardly, however, he still maintains the role of a calm bulwark.]

It's alright. I'm here with you.

[Grey begins to move his hand on Manabu's back, stroking a slow circle as he leans over and speaks to Manabu in a low voice.]

You're going to be fine. You had another nightmare, right?

[his head nods a little once he can get another few gulped breaths down and hold them long enough to get feeling back in his fingers. he shivers, registering more than just himself at last - Grey's hands, voice, proximity...

he sniffles and clears his throat against the tight feeling.]

What do I do...if this keeps happening?

...

[They've had a similar exchange before, and at the time Grey hadn't been able to suggest much other than that Manabu might need to eventually take sedatives. Not exactly a comforting suggestion. Grey keeps up the stroking of Manabu's back and hums a thoughtful sound, stalling for time as he tries to come up with something useful to say.]

Well... You didn't seem to sleep as badly the other night. [You know, the one where Grey woke up with an erection and made things extremely awkward.] So perhaps there's an underlying pattern. Something that triggers the nightmares.

[Apart from being fresh out of the traumatic situation, anyway.]

[something that triggers it. like...closing his eyes and bracing himself to wake up strapped to the bed? all alone.

but that didn't happen last night.

eventually, Manabu uncurls a little, turning his head to try and see some of Grey in his peripheral.]

It didn't happen when you were next to me. [but he can't just demand that of Grey, can he? how much of a burden can he become?

even if he did feel better against him.]

[Grey's hand momentarily stills on Manabu's back before he forces himself to resume stroking. As if Manabu didn't just make his heart do a little somersault.]

Well then...

[Grey fumbles to find a way to phrase it that won't seem strange, but it's difficult for him to think around the implication that Manabu finds him a comforting presence. Him, Grey, the copy- and with Manabu barely knowing anything about Rezo at that.]

Why don't... You move closer? It's more comfortable in the middle of the bed.

[Manabu hesitates, then shifts, letting Grey's hand go and turning himself around to face Grey, avoiding the chance of catching his eye in the dark. the panic's subsiding, but his heart won't stop racing.]

[murmured:] Pushing my luck... [there's no way Grey isn't sick of this, right?]

Hm? [With Manabu's words being murmured, it takes a beat for Grey to work out what he said. When he does, Grey lets his own thoughts momentarily slip.]

I think I should be the one saying that.

[His face heats up at the admission. Praying that Manabu doesn't read too much into his words, Grey adjusts his own position so that he's switched the hand he has pressed to Manabu's back and is gently, but firmly encouraging Manabu to draw closer.]

Tell me about your dreams. Are they about the lab?

[what is that supposed to mean? Manabu chews on that while scooting in closer, ducking his head and tucking his arms up against his chest. was the weight of Grey's arm around him always comfortable? he remembers this and that about their first night together, but he can only assume he's just projecting feelings about it after-the-fact.]

Mn. [...] Closing my eyes...and opening them up back there. Stuck. Not knowing...what day it is. Where I am. Alone and tired. [and scared. but this is pathetic enough, isn't it?]

[Grey wants to sigh, feeling Manabu burrowing bit by bit into his arms. He resumes rubbing Manabu's back, but he wants to do more as well. He wants to pet Manabu's hair, rub his scalp and ears, press kisses to his forehead. It's a peculiar feeling- Grey's not aroused right now, but he still has this sense of need, the feeling that he has to touch Manabu. As if the nightmares have left this unpleasant patina upon Manabu that Grey has to clean off with his own hands.

The touching does actually seem to be helping, particularly if Manabu's admission is to be believed, but Grey's sure Manabu needs more than that.

Manabu's description of the dreams makes it sound like some of the problem is just that his body forgets he's not there, not in danger...]

Perhaps that's why proximity is helpful. If you were sleeping alone in the lab, then being able to feel my presence unconsciously grounds you in the present.

[Grey doesn't think Manabu will be eager to bunk with other people for the rest of his life, however, so he asks more questions in as gentle a tone as possible.]

Can you tell me more about the lab? What it was like?

[Manabu doesn't want to talk, but he doesn't want to have an excuse to sleep and stop being present. it just means waking up and probably subjecting Grey to more embarrassment, right?

his shoulders tense and relax under the touch, gradually coaxing his breath to match the movement.]

I only saw a little bit of it. It was...mostly the room. No windows, just concrete. Bed and a nightstand. I kicked it over at someone once, before they started...tying me down.

[Despite the awfulness of the scenario that Manabu describes, Grey does smile a little at Manabu's admission of trying to fight the orderlies.]

Hah. That's my... That's what I'd expect from you.

[Grey admires it, a bit, but it doesn't sound like it did Manabu much good either.]

Were you always tied down?

[Manabu's chest tightens a bit, missing a breath in a beat.

he swallows.]

N-not at first. No. But every time the door opened, I tried to get out, so... [he kind of did it to himself, in that sense. not that he feels like taking blame for that.]

But that's why I couldn't tell. How long.

[So. He was alone, restrained, in a room with no windows and barely anything in it. Grey suppresses a shudder, thinking of a different dark room with a different test subject strapped down inside it.]

That sounds confusing, to say the least.

[What conditions might help alleviate the disorientation? A clock? A window with the curtains open?]

Did the restraints hurt?

Sometimes. Not always. [he shifts a little, moving an arm out from between them.]

No marks...I don't think... [like he can even tell in the dark! he didn't notice any before.] Just...from needles. [the bruises. they're still present, but then, it's only been...two? three days? he's already forgetting.

the arm lowers, fingers curling into a bit of Grey's shirt at his chest.]

[Grey wants to gently take the hand Manabu's raised and kiss his wrist, as if Manabu were a child who wants a kiss to make it better. The same goes for the mention of needles. He wants to peel off Manabu's shirt and find hunt down every last mark to override the touch of metal syringes with his own lips.

He'll settle instead for keeping a hand on Manabu's back and letting Manabu curl his own hand into Grey's chest.]

They kept you drugged most of the time too, didn't they? What were they like?

Blurry. Same color coats. I don't...remember the voices. Off the cuff. [but he could probably recognize them in the wild. hopefully he can, once he can get out of here and investigate.

the sooner the better - time's ticking! the trail will get colder and colder...

...Grey is warm. he smells nice...]

Is this...okay...? [for who? Grey? him?]

[Grey also wonders if Manabu would be able to recognize any of the scientists at all, if they manage to track any of them down. And if so, will Manabu be able to handle it?

He supposes they'll just have to cross that bridge later.]

Yes. It's okay, Manabu.

[Grey isn't really sure what Manabu means, but he speaks on instinct. He shifts his hand up and pets the back of Manabu's head.]

[Manabu's heart misses another beat as he processes that. even if he didn't really have the most specific of questions, that just means he has a broader answer. this is okay. right now.

his scalp tingles where he's touched, and he's prompted to nestle his head under Grey's chin. the arm he'd freed up slips around Grey's waist, pressing closer to risk taking in more of that buzz.]

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